Cape Cod Justice

Lester Higgins is out cutting hay in his hay field this one day when he hears a shotgun go off nearby. He looks around and sees a pheasant go down in the middle of the field. He starts over toward the pheasant when he sees a fella climbing over the fence, headed for the pheasant, too.

“Where ya goin,”‘ says Lester.

“I’m going to pick up my pheasant.”

“Your pheasant? I don’t think so. Anything on my land belongs to me,” says Lester.

“You don’t understand,” says the hunter. “Where I come from you can retrieve any game that you knock down even if it’s on private property”.

“Well, here, where I come from, anything that comes onto my land belongs to me,” asserts Lester.

“Well, how’re we going to settle this?” queries the hunter.

“Well, why don’t we do it the old Cape Codder’s way,” suggests Lester.

“How’s that?” asks the hunter.

“It’s simple: I kick you in the crotch. Then you kick me in the crotch. Then I kick you in the crotch. And so on. Whoever gives up first, the other guy gets the pheasant.”

“Well,” ponders the hunter, at least it’s a fair method, though a bit odd. “Okay, let’s do it.”

Lester backs up a step and a half, then comes forward and gives the hunter a wicked kick, right on target, right square between the legs. Down goes the hunter rolling over, groaning in pain, his eyes bulging out, his face turning pale and then beet red in turn, and, after a while, staggers to his feet.

“Wow, that was some kick there. Now’s it’s my turn.”

Smiling, as he begins to sharpen his scythe, Lester says, “You can have the pheasant.”

Sam Sherman

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